A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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