oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
