Me too!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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