its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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