Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
