All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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