Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
