where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
