I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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