Midget sex pt 2 tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
