two words: eviction party
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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