He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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