oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
