If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
