I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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