She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
