i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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