JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
