No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
