Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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