Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
