You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
