Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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