you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
