I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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