i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
