So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
