There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
