After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
