my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
