I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
