Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my poor anus
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
