Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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