the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
