You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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