i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
