:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
