Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
