I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
