So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize