even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
