Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
