Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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