Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
