3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
