I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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