What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
