i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
