guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
