dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
