im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
