saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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