I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
