i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
