So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My pussy is not your playground.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
