Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
