I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
