I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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