the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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