the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
