This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
