We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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