Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
