i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
