when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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