Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I touched a dick in church today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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