so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
