i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you had me at cake vodka
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
