i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
