Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
