I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
